Instead they just read about all that stuff.īut I gotta say, if there ever was a comic that brought sex and violence to life (without all the downsides like STDs and broken ribs) it was Twisted Tales. Comic book nerds didn't get laid and they didn't get into fights.

I say you should do all this stuff because I never did it. Never will you be more alive as when you feel the pummeling of an antagonist's paws against your chest and you realize the pain is only prompting you to render this man into a pile of bloody hamburger. Nothing brings man more in touch with his primal self than feeling his fist smack against an opponent's jaw and seeing the blood, teeth and spittle spatter against the wall like a gooey orgasm. An experience they can recount for their buddies at the pool hall once they've turned 50 and their backs are starting to hurt and their hips are feeling out of place. Everyone should have a couple good fights in their past. Crystal Meth, heroin, ketamine - Go for it! I beseech you!įinally, try your hand at violence. Who wants to be some successful 34-year old yuppie who's never really enjoyed the mind expanding properties of an acid trip or cocaine binge? Music really does sound better on pot. Everyone is telling you they're bad for you or they'll destroy your future but screw it. If you have to get them drunk, or pretend to be a rock star or tell them you love them, do it - whatever it takes!Īlso, take lots of drugs. You're never going to have a better chance to get at the firm, trim bodies of the girls in their prime so go for it. But I can perform one selfless act, and that is to try and pass on what I know now to the youth of today. So much pain and frustration could have been avoided. If only I could mount a time traveling Pegasus and go back in time to tell my high school self what I have learned. Like a lot of people I find myself thinking, if I only knew then what I know now. What were only dim observations in my youth have fomented into great truths.

I find as I grow older, as a I mature along the path towards my future, I gain a form of wisdom that I did not possess in my younger years. Motherfucking Masterpieces: Twisted Tales

Twisted Tales by Bruce Jones